I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
