Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just pee around me
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
