I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
