Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
