There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
