Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
