You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A bitchslap is in order.
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