You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
