Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
