If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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