her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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