Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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