Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
