I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
