I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
