i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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