Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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