Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
