I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
