In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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