she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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