i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
