Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
