Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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