I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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