I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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