My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
