This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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