We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
