she looked like the before picture.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
