You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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