saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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