I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
