Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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