your thong is hanging out like whoa
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
