Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i will never coherently bang her
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
