I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
