I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
