ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
