the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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