Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
