then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have demons in me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
