So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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