So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
