Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
