You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
