To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
