let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
