I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
