Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
