if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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