I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
