there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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