i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
