Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
