Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize