If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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