Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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