Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
