Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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