Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
