wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we're making bets on your personal life
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Randomize
