There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're a disaster
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