We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
