Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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