I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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