he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
wow bdsm is so cute
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
