remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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