a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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