1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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