we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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