just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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