Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
