i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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