I think my fart just growled at me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
