I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize