I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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