He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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