it was like his penis was on wheels.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize