no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
