i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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