Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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