If i come over, it means nothing
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
