I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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