my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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