My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
