Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
