He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
