At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize