i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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