he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
